44TH LEGISLATURE - STATE OF NEW MEXICO - FIRST SESSION, 1999

CHALLENGING THE MINNESOTA LEGISLATURE TO A HIGH STAKES GOVERNORS' ATHLETIC COMPETITION.

WHEREAS, Governor Gary "The Jock...oops, The Mandate" Johnson is a world-renowned triathlete who competed in and finished the granddaddy of all triathlons, the Ironman, held in Hawaii, which makes him a real athlete; and

WHEREAS, Governor Gary "The Mandate" Johnson also holds a national record for vetoes and knows how to bounce back from body blows, whether delivered by a Texas teenager on the ski slope, the courts or two-thirds of the legislature; and

WHEREAS, Jesse "The Body...oops, The Mind" Ventura, the world-renowned professional wrestler, is now the governor of the great state of Minnesota, the state of ten thousand lakes; and

WHEREAS, everybody knows that professional wrestling is not real athletic competition like Governor Gary "The Mandate" Johnson competes in; and

WHEREAS, Governor Jesse "The Body...oops, The Mind" Ventura is shamelessly selling T-shirts with the unproven claim, "My Governor Can Beat Up Your Governor"; and

WHEREAS, Gary "The Mandate" Johnson is sure to see the falsity of that claim, and that will make him fightin' mad; and

WHEREAS, the New Mexico legislature is willing to fund this challenge with all of the identified savings from Governor Gary "now I have a mandate" Johnson's first term;

NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED BY THE LEGISLATURE OF THE STATE OF NEW MEXICO that it hereby challenge the Minnesota legislature to a no-holds-barred, winner-take-all wrestling match between your governor, Jesse "The Mind" Ventura, and our governor, Gary "The Mandate" Johnson; and

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that the match be conducted as follows:

Jesse "The Mind" Ventura will be permitted to select the referees, who may include his family, but Gary "The Mandate" Johnson gets to pick the day and the time of the contest, and the color and style of the costumes...oops, unitards.

There are no holds barred and everything goes, except no earbiting!

If Governor Gary "The Mandate" Johnson were to be declared the winner, then, and in that event, the great state of Minnesota shall transfer and deliver to the great state of New Mexico all of its ten thousand lakes, which may be used for phase 2 of the beach project at White Sands.

If Governor Jesse "The Mind" Ventura were to get lucky and win against a real athlete, then, and in that event, the legislature of the great state of New Mexico shall transfer and deliver to the great state of Minnesota ten thousand sand dunes.

Proceeds from licensing fees to C-SPAN and ESPN shall be split between the great states of New Mexico and Minnesota, and New Mexico will use its share to "eight-lane" Highway 44; and

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that copies of this memorial be transmitted to the legislature of the great state of Minnesota and to our own governor, Gary "The Mandate" Johnson.